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Our close companions with a woman, who has overcome many hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of her friends disappeared at that point, as they were focused solely on him. It shocked her. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few close to her have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, and she left unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us retired leading to more time together, but I am finding my position in the relationship is to listen. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to what interests her. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I try to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been organizing a vacation to a country I've visited many times and lived in for some time. I attempted to share insights, but this was unappreciated. She really only wanted validation of her plans. I have ended 30 days in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she will ever grasp the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to resolution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens when you talk. It should be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how the two of you will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember your friend has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling her:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful to encourage mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

This person may dismiss your concerns, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version about themselves they won't let go of because their very survival relies on it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. But she may initially present like this before reflecting your perspective. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides closure that you've been open and direct.